I am needy. I hate time.

With all of the ups and downs that make up my current relationship, this indie film was actually kind of nice to watch. It reminds me of us, but better looking, more witty, jewish, and living the "swankyyyyy" nyc life with chanel bags and ralph lauren as your personal designer. 

side note, The mom of the character daryl is hilarious. and the movie is actually pretty funny and quirky. I just enjoyed listening to my relationship problems and hearing the things that we have both said, but coming out of other people's mouths, especially on screen.hah. Many a time during the film, I would think to myself the same sort of things as the two people in the relationship. "I am a mess." "When he is with me I want to shoot him, when he is not with my I miss him." I am mess. I feel so co-dependent. Like I can't live life on my own. Can this be true? I have a the elements of living life alone, a good life at that. I am also not a very easy person to be with... as also said in the film. I am needy. and when you don't want to give me that need I will make you regret it. ugh. that is awful. But, I am needy because I am at times vulnerable and letting you into that. and when I feel that it is shut down or disregarded (on my terms of course), i don't want that need to ever exist again. I am judgmental. I am sensitive. I am needy. 

I felt the closest to Zoe, the main female character in the film, when her mom told her that she had a manic cycle of pushing people away and then needing them. I felt like this quote should be plastered on my forehead. It is an ugly cycle. And to have a significant other try to keep up with such a cycle is even more ugly. But.. Inside my colorful bright happy balloons of independence, there is also an empty fear of independence. 

I suppose what it comes down to is figuring yourself out for yourself first. not who you wish you were. or who anybody else wants you to be. This is a start but this shit is easier said than done. and time is a HUGE bitch that is trying to eat the soles of my feet while I try to live my life.