Wishing our lives away.

I was talking to a friend the other day and we were discussing how hard it can be to be in your mid-20s. now, this isn’t to say that we were in anyway complaining or neglecting how truly lucky we are and how many things we have to be grateful for. Be we were reflecting on how much a mid-20s individual can feel pulled in many different directions at this point in our lives. How we often feel like we are trying to be several different types of people. How it is sometimes hard to bring yourself back to number one. To reflect and recognize what is best for you and who you are as a person. What it is you really want outside of any other judgments or attitudes around you.

So, let’s take our judgmental caps off for a second. Because again, we are grateful. We damn well better be. I mean, I only know how to be a good person and to one day be an amazing parent because of the amazing job my mom did and continues to do everyday.

That being said, our parents have a much different view of what it is to be in your mid-20s as well as bring a college graduate. You leave this bubble of security and illusion to face the world and realize not only were you just thrown into the pit to battle for survival, but you are supposed to know who you are, what you want and on top of that SUCCEED. Although I think that my college experience was completely amazing and a time when I learned more everyday than I feel I learn in a months time out of school, I still don’t know who I am or what I want to be as an individual living in this world. I still struggle with taking a step back and reflecting on what I need and want to do for myself... I know why this is... Because taking a step back is not fun. It takes effort and discipline. It takes saying no to friends, to boyfriends, to work. it takes saying no to what some people in your life expect of you. It takes stepping back from the noise. Its so much easier to get caught in the tornado of living in the moment. It is easy to lose yourself. Has anybody else felt this way? I hope I am not the only one. I hope this whole sense of experiencing a sort of quarter-life identity crisis is somewhat usual for people my age.

what DO I know? I do know what I want to feel in the future. Which maybe be more valid than knowing and feeling secure about what job I want to have or where I want to live and who I want to be with. I feel like I can see my place but it is just completely out of arms reach at the moment or hard to describe even to myself. I have an idea but I am still unsure if it is attainable and what the process is of attaining these goals and happiness in general.

I have a feeling that a lot of people my age may feel similar. I more and more believe that we are not alone on these feelings of searching and attaining self-fulfillment. And when I say self-fulfillment I mean that in most aspects of our lives we feel complete. I say most because we should never feel so fulfilled that we have nothing left to strive for and challenge ourselves. But a sense of fulfillment in life. Whether that be full with love for ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with. Or full of joy and creative inspiration for the job we have and the goals we achieve. 

Now, I don’t want to insult anyone from my parents’ generation but…  I am not sure that they had these same reflections in their mid-20s. the American dream was just different. I am not saying that our parents didn’t aspire to similar wants and goals in their lives. But I do think that in a way, they settled at an earlier age than we may consider fit nowadays. The age of settling down and settling in is changing. The definition of "settling" is changing. We know what the lives of our parents looks like. We have seen what some of the consequences can be. Maybe it is a different notion of being comfortable and our parents set a standard of comfort for us that we now feel the need to re-define our comfort zones. All in all, we are looking for something different. What that is depends on who you ask. We know we want something different and we are working to create this unknown space for the future while actualizing it at the same time for ourselves. I'm sure our kids will feel the same about us one day. it really is a never-ending cycle. Who knows. Maybe I am completely wrong here and have misunderstood past generations. I also cannot speak for everybody in my generation. I can only speak for myself. 

I do have a lot of gratitude for the paths that our parents paved for us to make life less of a struggle. Without the struggles of past generations we might not have even been able to think and talk about these sort of things. At the same time, I really enjoy seeing the people around me asking questions and thinking about a different way that life can work. And I mean truly reflecting on life and wondering what it is that makes us happy now. Maybe we will never figure it out. But to reflect is to begin a change in itself. And instead constantly wishing our current lives away, it is important to enjoy the chaos of now, of not knowing where we are going and where we will be in the next years. To bring yourself back to number one and do what is best for you now. separate from everyone else's feelings and beliefs. Its so easy to spend a lot of time wishing our lives away, hoping for the "better" day to come.

I am going to make a full-hearted effort to enjoy the unknown of now and by doing that, accepting the fact that I won't have all of the answers now. i need to do me to figure out what it is that i expect from myself and what I want for myself. i have overused the word "myself" in this post. but is that such a bad thing? this is my journey. I need it. Because someday this craziness might be gone and I will look back and I will want to know that I had those chaotic times but that I did enjoy them. and i needed them.  

and on that note, i am going to get off this computer and go enjoy myself after some intense reflection. i will leave you with some inspiring pictures found at pulmonaire.